Diary of a Divorcee

Wow! How do you find time to blog when you have a full time job?

I am absolutely so busy these days, that I just haven’t found where to fit blogging into my routine.

So much has happened since I was last here… Where to begin?

I started my job and really like it. The whole outside sales thing is sort of intimidating, but, I have sold a few accounts lately. Both were year contracts, too… which is pretty great. I’ve finally got the whole work routine down. I get up every morning and go to my grandma’s house to get ready, eat breakfast, then I leave for work. I get there, do office work for a couple of hours, then I go out and start selling. At noon I do a little lunch, then go back and work until five. I started tanning (I know, I know), and go most days after work. I find somewhere to go eat dinner, between all family members I have, someone is always willing to feed me. By nine o’clock I’m so exhausted that I fall into bed.

So, the soon-to-be sent me dissolution papers yesterday. No, I’m not signing them. Yes, he’s crazy. I’m not going to sign anything that states I don’t want spousal support, because I do! Already, he got a negative page seven for not supporting me these past few months. It’s his own damn fault…

The only really fun things going on are— I got VS card today and bought a bunch of really cute new shirts. Tomorrow is going to be fun, too. I’m going to the movies and shopping with my mom during the day, then I have an appointment with my lawyer tomorrow afternoon.

Well, I better get going. My dog needs snuggling.

Have you missed me?

• Woke up on time for work this morning, didn’t want to get out of bed but did it anyway.
• Got ready a lot faster than anticipated
• Gram had my teabag and sweetener in my cup and the water boiled when I got out of the shower, it was the sweetest thing ever
• Had my picture taken by my aunt (coming soon)
• Got to work 15 minutes early, organized my office
• The lady who left the office didn’t take anything with her, I’ll have to clean it as I go and develop my own system
• Meeting with my boss for three hours this morning, went well.
• Worked on my own until lunch.
• Pho for lunch, all by myself… Still delicious, though.
• Met again with my boss for two hours
• Worked on my own until five
• Got our dinner plans for tomorrow finalized
• Went to my parents’ house then out to sushi with my mom
• WINE!
• Said hi to my dad and his poker buddies
• GOT MY NEW VINTAGE GLASSES IN THE MAIL!
• Went to my grandma’s house, changed back into my jammies, told them about my day, heard about theirs.
• Came home
• Chatted with a girlfriend
• In bed AND IT FEELS AMAZING! Working on my freelance clients’ stuff
• Going to sleep soon!
• GREAT DAY!!!!

looking at the mugshots from my town from

lookwhogotbusted.com

Don’t start, it’s addicting! Especially if you’re from a small town like me!

After a nice, not too crazy weekend, I’m nervous and excited to start my job in the morning. Of course, it’s right after the time change— which will make it even harder to get up in the morning. Hopefully, though, I’ll be so excited that I’ll pop right out of bed.

This is a huge transition for me. I’ve never had an 8 to 5 job! I’m so excited to see how it’s going to play out.

I really need some good luck, or sage words of advice.

Have any?

• I absolutely can’t read through this entire advertising book my boss gave me to read in one night. First of all, it references these videos, and I don’t have those— so it makes it hard. Ugh… I feel like an underachiever. Thank goodness I still have a few days to read through it.
• I’m exhausted, and I shouldn’t be. I slept in and I napped. Maybe I overslept?
• Tomorrow has the potential to be fantastic. I hate doing my Cinderella job, but I have to… hopefully I can put some headphones in and make it go by quickly.
• The rest of the day is: dye my hair, get gas in my car, pack my things for the weekend festivities, go out to H&S.
• I think I might be cranky.
• How is that possible? It’s not shark week!
• My boy has been a little difficult/needy the past couple of days and it’s making me worry.
• I’m definitely cranky.
• Cigarettes?

If I could have anything in the world at this very moment, it would be:

• For my husband to agree to my divorce demands (50% of our BAH, +33% of his paycheck for the past 5 months, plus 18 months of $946, +50% of his BAH) ((OUTLANDISH, yes, but necessary. That’s what he gets for leaving me high and dry because I’m an infertile!!!)
• For this book that my boss gave me to have magically been read and memorized.
• To be able to function well on 5 hours of sleep.
• Cigarettes, right now!
• A new car.

• Work
• Breakfast
• Change purses
• Write list for Gram
• Print divorce stuff, fill out
• Get ready
• Nails, polish change on toes
• Hair trimmed
• Buy hair dye
• HomeGoods: stuff for office
• Car washed
• Apartment: empty bags in living room, organize shelf, dresser, wash sheets
• Read over LNS materials
• Dinner at Mom and Dad’s

As much as I hate the above statement, I really have been winning the past couple of days. Between getting my job yesterday and not crying once during the entirety of our entire third wedding anniversary, I would say yesterday was a success.

Then, today things just got even better. I woke up early on my own, got my work done, went down to my grandma’s house for a fantastic breakfast and a shower with decent water pressure. After I got ready, my aunt and I went shopping for my new work wardrobe.

Shopping is always one of those things for me— I either love it or I hate it. Sometimes I will just be in one of those moods where I feel fat and nothing looks good. Other times, everything will look good but I’ll be broke. There’s never a happy medium.

Until today— I found that sweet spot. While I’m not completely flush with cash yet, I’m much better off than I have been in the past. I actually have a lot more money than I’m used to. So I wasn’t scared to use it today when I went to Macy’s.

And boy oh boy did I ever use it! $800 later, I came out of the mall with over a dozen pieces, plus shoes, some new makeup and a huge smile on my face. Many of the items I got are staple pieces: pants and shirts included. I’m still on the hunt for a nice black blazer, a pair of white pencil capris and a matching white blazer, a pair of black Mary Janes to replace the grubby ones that I have been wearing. Overall, though, I’d say it was a complete success!

Then, my Aunt (who was my personal shopper) treated me to an amazing lunch at my favorite Greek place. I came home, finished the rest of my laundry, then went back to my apartment to clean. I had to empty most of my closet to make room for the new stuff, then I organized most everything in there and mopped the floors in the entire house (hallelujah!). The only things left I have to do are to organize this shelf of folded clothes in the top of my closet and pull out some of the clothes in my dresser to go through.

Tonight I had dinner and wine with Hillary and Schroeder. He made his famous dinner that he always makes, which was delicious. We watched American Idol, ate ice cream, then I decided to go home. Hillary, Schroder and Tangina (her real name, I had to use it because it’s so good) were all shocked when at 10 o’clock I decided to go home.

“You’re leaving?” they asked.

“Yeah, I have to get myself on a routine!”

“It’s your last week of freedom.”

“Yeah, just hang out.”

“Sorry guys, I need sleep. I have so much stuff to do tomorrow.” I told them.

“Alright… be stupid then,” said Hillary as I walked out the door.

I felt bad, but I’m stressing out about this transition. It’s going to be difficult for me. I’ve never had a real job before! Hell, I’ve hardly had ANY job before!

Now, I’m laying in bed, basking in the warmth of my covers. I have my list of things to do tomorrow pretty much all devised in my head. There’s lots to accomplish before the weekend gets here!

Goodnight, all..

Don’t let me stay up all night playing Words with Friends and Draw Something…

I need to be an adult. I need to be an adult. I need to be an adult.

I need to be an adult. I need to be an adult. I need to be an adult.

I need to be an adult. I need to be an adult. I need to be an adult.

I need to be an adult. I need to be an adult. I need to be an adult.

I need to be an adult. I need to be an adult. I need to be an adult.

I need to be an adult. I need to be an adult. I need to be an adult.

I’m exhausted.

I have a list of things to do a mile long. I’ve got six days in which to do these things, plus have enough fun to tide me over until I’m set in my routine. I think that I should just give up on the “having fun,” but it’s not in my nature. So, I guess I’ll just run myself down for the next few days trying to get everything done.

Here’s my list:

• Shopping: I need to buy enough “staple” work clothes items to get me through the first few weeks. These include: pants, blazers, shirts and shoes.
• Shopping: I need to buy things for my little office, including: some filing boxes, a few containers, a picture or two, etc.
• Shopping: groceries for when I need to eat breakfast at home, snacks for work
• Cleaning: mop the floors (I’ve been putting this off for almost two weeks now, gross!), organize my closet, clean out my car and have it washed, bathroom, laundry.
• Work: workups for all of my clients, read over the employment materials
• Primping: nails done, hair trimmed, hair colored
• Divorce: print and fill out papers, contact my lawyer to set up a meeting

I know this doesn’t seem like much, but when I juggle it with the other obligations I have in my life— like family, friends, etc. It just feels like a lot. Realistically, I could probably get all of this done in the next couple of days and have the rest of the week and weekend to be free. I just don’t know if I will get burnt out or not…

For now, I’m going to bed.

Tomorrow’s coming faster than I think.

Today is our third wedding anniversary.

What did my husband give me for my third anniversary? A divorce.

Funny, huh?

No, really. For as awful as today could have been— it really was a fantastic day. I guess I should say that it started last night with an impromptu Skype conversation with the soon-to-be. We were texting a little bit when he asked, Do you want to Skype? Of course I did, I hadn’t seen his face since December 11th. When he turned the camera on— I seriously thought I was looking at a stranger. It made me so sad.

Physically, I don’t even recognize him anymore. His eyes are sunken, his cheeks sucked in, his nose looked swollen, and there was a hollowness in this forehead. “Wow, you look like shit!” I told him.

“Thanks, that’s what everyone tells me. You look cute.”

“I know.” I started crying. All I ever wanted was for him to tell me that I was beautiful.

We talked for a little bit, about my new job, about the girls he’s dating, about life in general. Then, we started talking about us— how it could never work between us, how he wanted to change me, how he doesn’t trust anyone because of me. It was pretty pathetic. However, it did make me feel better talking to him and seeing his face. Now, I really do know that the decision I have made is the right one. It would have been futile to hold on to our relationship for dear life.

This morning when I woke up my head and eyes felt swollen from crying the night before. My hair was standing on end because of all of the static electricity in it. (I live in a big metal barn, when there’s lots of wind, which there has been lately, my hair is crazy!) But, I did my work, got ready, ate breakfast and made it right on time to my appointment with my new boss.

For the next two hours he and I went over all of the details of my employment. I signed on the dotted line and now I have my first real grown up job! I’m so freaking excited!

Afterward, I met my aunt for lunch for my favorite soup. We went home so I could change. Then I hit Marshall’s to see if there was any cute things for my new office. Yes! I have my own little office with a window and everything! I get to decorate it however I want, which is fantastic. Marshall’s didn’t have anything, but I still managed to come out of there with two pair of summer shoes. Yay!

Then, this afternoon I hung out with my family and played with my phone. We went to sushi for a celebratory dinner for me. Now, I’m just hanging out in my apartment waiting until the horse trainer is done talking to her boyfriend, then we’re going to smoke hookah and talk crap.

It feels weird knowing that my life has come to this, but I’m excited to embark on this new adventure— no matter how corny that sounds.

Now, somebody pass the wine— I’m going to celebrate!