Diary of a Divorcee

I better begin the shower and start making myself look gorgeous.

This pink walmart nightgown and the sleep mask on my head does nothing for my sexiness level. Unless you are into grannies…

I’m thinking I’m going to do the whole shebang— big hair, big boobs, big attitude, coming right up!

Also,

1. I slept in this morning, it was glorious.
2. It’s the farmers market in downtown, which means pupusas, fruit and possibly buying an onyx bead necklace.
3. It’s Friday!
4. Crepes tonight?
5. Monday is my appointment— they automated confirm message thing just called me!!!
6. My word, whe. It’s good— it’s GOOD!

I woke up this morning with a peaceful optimism that hasn’t been inside of me for months. Well before my surgery I had resigned myself to infertility and all of the negativity that goes with it. I’ve always looked on the positive side, it’s just that at midnight, when you are trying to sleep and your mind is racing— your thoughts are usually all doom and gloom. But last night they weren’t.

I thought about having my transfer, our egg and sperm meeting for the first time.
I thought about how young we are and how that increases our odds.
I thought about how much money we will be saving with this military program. Cycles are less than $3,500 each!
I thought about what would happen if the first transfer didn’t work— we’d do as many as it takes.
I thought about the possibility of twins; I’d get a new car (which I’ve already picked out).
I thought about babies with big eyes like mine and cupid’s bow lips like him.
I thought about names and color schemes and baby showers.

It feels good to think about the good things again.

I know that IVF isn’t going to be easy, and it may not be the answer for us. But I’m going to remain optimistic for as long as I can. Big things are coming soon. Now all I have to do is be patient.

• 8 AM Call the appointment line
• Watch ANTM, Revenge
  
• Breakfast, shower
• 11 AM Call the referral line
• Marinate the tri-tip for tonight
• Wash sheets
• Walk dog
• Buy myself a Diet Coke
• Try not to internet shop, worry, emotional eat
• Read
• Whatever else I can do to keep myself busy
• 3 PM Call the appointment line

Already this morning I’ve called the referral office to see if my IVF clinic paperwork has gone through. Although it has been received, there’s an entire process it must go through before a patient can make an appointment. I’m sure the people in both the scheduling office and the referral management office are extremely sick of me by now.

But, I can’t afford to get lost in the shuffle. I can’t just go rushing off to my hometown for the whole month of October without going to the IVF clinic first. My referral will expire!

Apparently, my referral is being reviewed right now. Whatever that means.

The process for referrals at the Naval Medical Center is this:

• referral is received by management office at the hospital
• referral is either accepted or denied
• accepted referrals are then reviewed
• the reviewer assigns the referral to the appropriate clinic
• the schedulers are then notified to call the patient to make an appointment
• an appointment is made

I’m on step three. Of course, after the referral is reviewed it is a relatively short process. But I was told it would take 24 hours— and that was nearly 48 hours ago!

It’s terrible to be this impatient. 

This is our lives in someone else’s hands though. I can’t take any risks.

This day has been utterly and completely wasted. Besides the fact that I found out my referral went through, I didn’t actually DO anything. Tomorrow has to be more productive.

I can’t just lay around all day, talking on the phone, playing Words with Friends and watching Oz. I’ve got to do something with myself!

The scheduling office closes at 3:30.

I’ll know my appointment time in the morning.

The waiting is the hardest part…