I’m too scared to sleep
Say a little prayer for me, surgery tomorrow…
Thanks a lot, last minute stress...
My husband checked the mail this afternoon, thank goodness and there was a BIG shocker in there. Cue ensuing stress and anxiety… The authorization for my surgery hasn’t gone through yet. Initially it was denied because of incorrect coding. Great. They coded it as if I was going to have some IVF procedure (I wish). So, of course, it was denied. I just got off the phone with TRICARE...
My parents are an hour away. I thought they’d be here by now. At least I took a shower. Now all I need to do is finish getting ready. I wonder what real pants feel like? I’ve been wearing yoga pants for the past three weeks. I’m on my second to last Sunbonnet Sue quilt block. I think its so weird how not very many homes in Southern California have sprinkler systems. Or...
This is the first time in years that I’m missing the two week long National horse show that punctuates the summer. First we went to Oklahoma for two years, then for the past three years we were in Jackson, Mississippi. Wherever we were, you could always count on lots of heat, humidity and drama drama drama. Whether it was my family or not, the gossip and the fights are better than reality...
Real women wear high heels and skirts. Or not. Real women are feminine and...– Hanne Blank (via silenceismusical)
My parents are on their way!!!! YAY! It’s a gorgeous day today. Last night while Skyping my mom, nephew and little friend, my nephew looked at my husband on the computer screen and said “Papa!” thinking it was my dad. My husband and dad look that much alike. He also thought Diego was my other dog Mojito! I feel a little better about my surgery tomorrow. I’m sure...
Random Facts About Me: #423
My dream job is to be a “picker”. I’ve always wanted to do that… for as long as I could remember. Gimme some cash and set me free on the open road! I always tell people that my husband worked at the Piggly Wiggly in Alabama, but he really worked at Winn Dixie. One of my other dream jobs would to be a folk artist. I can’t eat chicken in a restaurant. If...
I really want a few sassy old ladies to get up in...
vegkat: Preferably in a large eat-in kitchen with 80s decor. I’m with ya, Dorothy! Er, I mean Kat… Cut me a big slice!
10 Day Challenge, whatever
Day 6: Five things you can’t live without. My husband My dog My phone A toothbrush & toothpaste (because that is one thing) My sleep mask Day 7: Four memories you won’t forget. Hand feeding the bald eagles on the beach at Victoria in Canada with my grandparents when I was six. The eagles were as tall as I was. I wore a bathing suit with a frilly skirt. The fish didn’t smell...
Tonight my feelings tasted like:
Hashbrowns and 2 eggs over medium. Gross.
This afternoon I called my dad, the following events are both heartbreaking and true.
Me: Hi dad, whatcha doin?
Dad: Well, your granny and Aunt Nina are here right now. They just pulled up.
Me: Really? I didn't know Granny left the house that often. (Granny has alzheimers)
Dad: Yeah, I guess she's having a really bad day. They needed a change of scenery.
Me: Okay, well call me back.
Dad: I will. Love you, bye.
Me: Love you, bye.
Dad: Hi. I think you are going to get a phone call from Nina really soon. Granny was really upset about you being in the hospital. She wanted to come sit with you.
Me: Does she know I live in L.A.?
Dad: We were trying to explain that to her, but it doesn't matter. She just wanted to come sit with you. She's so worried; she was bawling hysterically.
Me: Oh great, that makes me feel horrible. Otherwise how is she doing?
Dad: Not very well, she's frail.
Me: It breaks my heart.
Dad: Me too.
Me: Alright, well I'll let you get back to your yard work, skype me later.
Dad: Okay, see you tomorrow too.
Me: Okay. Love you, bye.
Dad: Love you, bye.
(Later via voicemail)
Nina: Katie, this is Nina. I just was wondering if you can call Granny at home. She thinks you are in the hospital not doing well. We told her you are done with your surgery, just a little fib, and recovering well. Can you just call and talk to her please? Maybe it will make her feel better. Love you, bye.
(A few seconds later...)
Me: Hi Nina, it's Katie. I got your message. I'd be happy to talk to Granny.
Nina: Thank goodness. Mama! Mama! Katie is on the phone. Come sit down and have a chat with her. (I hear sniffling in the background.)
Granny: Hello. (dejected sounding)
Me: Hi Granny! How are you? I just wanted to call and say hi! I heard you were worried about me! (really enthusiastically)
Granny: Yes, I want to come see you. I love you.
Me: I love you too Granny! I'm too far away right now. But my husband is taking good care of me. In fact, we just got back from walking the dog (a lie). I'm doing great! As soon as I have my doctor's appointment next week they said I could come visit you.
Granny: Okay, I love you.
Me: I love you too, Granny. When I come up there we can look at the pictures from when you took me to Mexico. I had so much fun that time.
Granny: I know honey. I just really want to see you. I love you. Can I come see you?
Me: I'm sorry Granny, I live too far away. I'll come visit you really soon.
Granny: I love you.
Me: I love you too, Granny. (getting emotional now)
Granny: I just want to take one last long look at you. I love you.
Me: Oh, Granny, it's not one last look. I'll be there soon! I love you the most, Granny.
Granny: I love you.
Me: I love you too.
Granny: I love you.
Me: I love you more, Granny.
Granny: I love you.
Me: I love you.
Granny: Goodbye. (It sounded so permanent) I love you.
Me: Goodbye Granny. I love you too.
Granny: I love you.
Me: I love you too.
Please don't let this be the last time I talk to my granny. It was too heartbreaking to even begin to describe.
I'm starting to get nervous...
This morning I went to my doctor appointment with a pit of anticipation in my gut. Not only had I not driven in almost ten days, I haven’t even been more than one hundred yards away from my own house. It was a little bit scary leaving. Did I lock the back door? Did I lock the front door? Did I let the dog out? Are all the lights turned off? You know, the usual questions were going through my...
It was so hard to peel myself out of bed this morning at 7:11, eleven minutes after my alarm went off. Thank goodness my phone was charging in the kitchen, forcing me to get out of bed. Why is it, though, that I get back in bed every time and hit the snooze button? I’m not running behind, per se, but I’m not ahead of the game either. I’d like for my hair to at least look...
10 Day Challenge, okay okay
Day 4: Seven fears/phobias. Not being able to have my own children. Styrofoam. The health of me or my family deteriorating. Death. Not being happy. Being fat. (as terrible as that sounds, it’s true) Public restrooms I’ve never been in before. Day 5: Six songs that you’re addicted to. Life in the Fast Lane by the Eagles anything by Fleetwood Mac anything by Steve Miller...
My back hurts. Probably from all the sewing I’ve been doing. Sometimes I think I should give up the classic, vintage style stamped patterns and go back to embroidering things I draw. After this Sunbonnet Sue quilt I might… Or I’ll move on to the 50 States and birds Aunt Martha’s transfer… that will take me years to finish. My belly hurts. It’s too warm...
Halibut tacos from my favorite taqueria for dinner. (Takeout, sadly I don’t get to escape the house until tomorrow.) A beer for my husband, who thinks too much. More television. Starting the light blue Sunbonnet Sue quilt block. (I’m on fire!) And a tummy ache. Typical Monday.
Thank You Notes
This morning I sent my husband to work with five personal thank you notes for his commanding officers. Throughout the duration of my illness everyone at his unit has been so kind, compassionate and generous with their time. My husband has been able to be by my side at every waking moment in the hospital, which is unheard of— especially since his unit is under so much stress right now because...
But life is a battle: may we all be enabled to fight it well!– Charlotte Brontë (via kari-shma)
Big Day, Big Decisions
“Hurry up and wait” is one of the most common phrases in the Coast Guard. You hurry up to get ready for a deployment, then you wait to be deployed. You hurry up for a patrol, then you sit around and wait on the dock. You hurry up to figure out where you are going to PCS, then you wait to actually move. That’s exactly the direction we are going in today. My husband and I have...
Onward to IVF
On Thursday morning I’ll be making one of the most permanent decisions of my life. Actually, the decision has already been made— it’s just going to be carried out on that day. I’m having my tubes tied. It’s absolutely, positively the most terrifying thing that I’ve ever done. I wasn’t this scared the night before I married my husband. I wasn’t...
Go to the freezer and hope there is a frozen quiche inside, even though they are a million calories— Thank goodness! There is!
I talked to my grandmother this morning after two failed attempts at phone calls. First she was on her way to the shopping center that my family owns, aka “the office,” then she was on her way to the bank. Finally when she called I could tell she was in her kitchen because of the acoustics in there. I can always tell when there is an addition on to a house because it sounds funny....
Bad Decision #213:
Yesterday I put on self tanner for the first time in years. YEARS! I used to use it all the time, but I got sick of the smell— and so did my husband, for that matter. It’s a stench like nothing other, and boy did I forget how annoying it was. No amount of perfume or other lotion will cover it. I mean, yesterday, before I put the the crap on I knew it was going to be a bad decision....
This is the first day I’ve been totally and completely by myself. For the past ten days I’ve either had my husband by my side or the company of nurses and hospital roommates. It’s weird, to finally be alone. I can only hope my mind doesn’t consume me. I’m going to try to keep myself busy, though: Work on my green blue Sunbonnet Sue quilt block Eat breakfast and...
Well, that was exhausting...
I just reorganized my entire dresser, including refolding everything. -AND- I wrote five heartfelt (and different) thank you notes to the commanding officers of my husband’s unit for their kindness and support during this “trying time”. Now it’s time for filet mignon and sweet potatoes, and definitely some bad tv and embroidery.
Things that I'm sick of:
Being sick Daytime television People not calling me back Copy and paste Facebook posts Dog fur on my couch Feeling left out Stupid remarks about “doing it every hour and she’ll get pregnant”
I finally got to talk to my best friend! Holy moly— friend drama, new boyfriend and cops getting called to her house. Just like I remembered her…
Note to self:
Showers make you dizzy. Maybe turn down the hot water?
Make bed Put away clean dishes Put away clean clothes Take everything out of dresser, refold it and put it back in Make a “Pack List” for my trip back home Convince my husband to vacuum (not gonna happen!) Load of laundry (not gonna happen either!) Put suitcase back in the garage Take pictures of quilt blocks!!
Because I like to do this....
I had a scary “killing” dream last night where I was the little girl in True Grit, except it was way more violent. Angry subconscious much? This morning’s breakfast includes a toasted bagel with cream cheese, lox and a crap load of capers— because I love those little things. If my husband wasn’t the one making breakfast for me, I’d have tomato and onion on...
Of course, I can’t sleep… And I didn’t even take a nap today.
planetslion asked: Just wanted to pop in and send you my love and support (for what it's worth). I know you are going through so much, and sometimes I feel like I can sort of relate because of my own experience, but than I remember how we are all unique in how we process these challenging experiences. From what I read, you are an incredibly strong person and your story gives me strength. Wishing the best in...
10 Day Challenge: Day 3 (For tomorrow)
Day 3: 8 Things that annoy you Styrofoam Dog fur on the couch Couches and beds that are at an angle NOSE HAIR! White foods (except bread) My hair, if it has been longer than 4 weeks after I’ve gotten it done. Piles of papers and random crap on the kitchen counter People who park too close to our driveway
10 Day Challenge: Re-Up, Day 2
Day 2: Nine things you do every day. Tell my husband that I love him. Pray. Breathe deeply. Play on my iPhone. Think about the future. Call my family. Hug my dog Put on under eye concealer Eat
Thank goodness my headache is gone. It only took a vicodin and 600mg of ibprofen I hung up a crap load of clothes just now. I still have two loads to go. Tomorrow I’m going to start cleaning the house, at least it will give me something to do. I’m not trying to overdo it, though Transferring myself $60 from my PayPal account to my bank account for my ebay selling endeavors feels...
New fake band name...
Splitting Headache with our first single “Dehydration” off of our album “Saline IV Detox”
I thought there were only 9 Sunbonnet Sue quilt blocks… instead there are 12! Five down, seven to go.